Of Teenagers and Hormones
by Danko Kaji
Summary: Short Story, AU - A love triangle blooms in the midst of raging hormones and crazy teenagers. Tuna, Yunalai... Baralidus?
1. Horror Movie

A short, AU story that should be finished within the week (if I do one chapter each day). I don't plan to squander time or forget to update. Heh, heh, I wonder how many of you will spot the love triangle...? :p This is pretty much my perspective on teenaged behavior.

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Of Teenagers and Hormones

_Chap. 1 ~ Horror Movie_

Dark room. Eerie silence. And popcorn ceasing to exist.

"It's a party in my mouth, but everybody is dying."

A firm stomp on the back from a heeled boot promptly silenced the snickering fool. "Shut up, Gippal." Even in pitch blackness, illuminated by constant flashing pastel colors, Gippal could sense, no, _feel_ his friend's ruby glare drilling a thousand needles into his soul.

"Y-you got it, Dr. P."

Guttural chuckles, rusty and rarely free to fly on sonic wings, roamed mockingly in the air. "Smart of you to know your place."

"Shut up, Noojster."

"SHH! Quiet, you guys!" Tidus shushed the talkative blonde, which in turn rewarded him with a triplet of pointed glares. Somewhere in an unknown angle, a middle-aged man perched on his armchair sat in strained silence, squeezing the cottony blood out of the innocent furniture.

"You be quiet."

"You first."

"Stop telling me to."

"Not until you actually shut up."

"You first."

"_You _first!"

"No, you!"

"You!"

"_You_!"

With an exasperated huff, a sun-blonde girl intervened in the immature banter of annoying loud whispers. "C'mon, Gippal. Quit it. You know Tidus won't give up. Stop joking around and watch the movie."

"Not until he shuts up."

"You fi–."

"Will you all just shut your asses up? I can't hear what the freakin' hell these people are saying!"

The loudmouths immediately clamped their mouths shut, not wanting to face the wrath of a fire-breathing, trash-talking bald dragon.

Tidus had planned, by sitting next to his crush, to follow through with this common (yet oddly successful) cliched tactic, in order to win her over completely. It's common knowledge, the best way to snag a girl hook-line-and-sinker; subject the lucky girl in watching a horror movie and she'll (without a doubt) cling onto you for dear life. That was the original plan... until _he _became the one clinging onto _her_, and vice versa. And with the wrong girl. Yuna's cousin, to be precise.

"Rikku..." he hissed, tugging in vain at her fingernail-sharp vice grip. Her hands were like a leech that loves blood-sucking too much to _let go. _"I can't feel my arm..."

His irritation and hushed demands fell deaf on her poor, terrified ears. Rikku trembled, breaking out into a cold sweat, green eyes bulging in fright, and Tidus sympathized with her, going as far as reflect her anxious behavior.

The would-be, hair-concealed face of the killer leapt forth from its hiding place behind the hospital curtain, brandishing a butcher knife-sized scalpel in hand, and the hapless victim shrieked.

_I'm about to pee my pants_.

"B-b-bathroom break!" Gippal pressed pause on the remote._ Great. I forgot this is a DVD._

"We'll wait for you–."

"NO! DON'T PAUSE! GO AHEAD AND WATCH WITHOUT ME!"

Gippal snickered, "Chicken-wuss," and without further adieu, pushed the PLAY button. Everyone refocused their eyes on the TV screen after witnessing Tidus's cowardly retreat.

Yuna watched, doe-eyed and absolutely mortified, to the point she wanted to throw up.

A dead carcass. Gruesome blood splatter. And a preteen boy munching on something juicy, crispy, and horrendously gross.

He's eating _human flesh_.

_Roasted_ human flesh shaped like Christmas cookies.

Human flesh butchered from his mother's _dead_ _body_ using cookie cutters.

Yuna bit her tongue to prevent the inevitable screamage. Unable to watch any more of this sick insanity, she shut her eyes tight and ducked her face behind someone's shoulder, wounding her arms around the person next to her. Fingers traced small circles on Yuna's back, soothing her, tickling her, distracting her– and she sighed and smiled once she realized who it was. Baralai, her beloved step-brother.

"I thought you liked horror movies." His voice was low, quiet, and light. The others couldn't hear him, and this way the movie continued uninterrupted. Her head rose from behind his broad shoulder and their faces met cheek-to-cheek. They slipped into a private conversation.

"Not the bloody ones. I feel faint when I see too much blood."

"You can close your eyes. You don't have to watch."

"But I can still hear it..."

"Then, zone out. Doze off. Rest your eyes." Yuna could feel his mouth stretch into a smile. "It will be over before you know it."

"Thank you."

"You're welcome."

Baralai kept movement to a minimum, stretching his arm around her shoulders, reaching out to grab a folded blanket on the armrest, spreading it out and laying it over themselves, tucking the fuzzy coziness beneath her chin. Snuggling to his arm, Yuna settled into a more comfortable position, resting on his shoulder, tuning out the suspenseful, creepy noises synonymous of a horror movie. The subtle scent of guacamole, sour cream, beans, and cheese, and a soft, spicy scent from his hair– it intoxicated her. Yuna giggled, a bit giddy of the delicious aromatic blend. Hunger lulled her inside a safe bubble, her little comfort zone.

"You smell nice. Like food."

Heat radiated from his face, bashful chuckles reverberating on her head. "Gippal dumped an entire bowl of Spanish dip on me earlier. That's why I smell a little like food."

"Were you tasty?" Her comment was supposed to be silly and innocent, so of course Yuna didn't understand the sexual innuendo she gave birth to.

"...I don't know. I can't taste myself."

"Stop flirting, you two." Baralai scowled, disgruntled at the bossy tap of knuckles on his head, glaring at a smug Paine, stern expression softening when they succumbed to laughter.

"QUIET, YOU BRATS!"


	2. Lucid Nightmare

Chapta two is here! :D Longer than I predicted, but the more words the merrier. The dream sequence is a memory of Baralai's and a true story, one that hits too close to home. Literally. For once, I didn't need to use imagination (for the first half). :p

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Of Teenagers and Hormones

_Chap. 2 ~ Lucid Nightmare_

_Again..._

_I miserably sweep the sidewalk at the front yard._

_It happened again..._

_The one-sided arguments, the extreme punishments (cancelling my cell phone usage), my grandmother's irrational vent– I don't know what to think._

**"****You are just like your mother!"**

_My grip on the broom tightens, teeth clenching in frustration._

**"****A liar! Always, always lying!"**

_That's not true... Tears prickle in my eyes, stubborn to stream free, the fresh memory five times worse in my head, reverberating, rippling the calm of my mind._

_Her voice echoes louder, traveling the vast reaches of my psyche, trapping me from everywhere. I feel like I'm shrinking, becoming a child again, sitting alone in my room, crying, thinking what wrong doing I committed this time, being forced to reflect._

_I care about my mom, I love my mom, but... it doesn't mean I approve of her actions. What else am I supposed to do? Ignore her when she's coming to me, pleading for help?_

_Why don't my in-laws ever get along?_

_I'm not heartless–_

**"****When I look into your eyes, you know what I see? Coldness. Nothing. You don't care about anyone, but yourself!"**

_I'm not! I'm not heartless..._

_She assumes too much, she assumes all the time– but why do I never speak up and deny it?_

_Why am I still scared of the big bad bully? I'm seventeen, I'm not–_

**"****You're almost eighteen years old now. Seventeen going on eighteen. You're not a child to me, you're an adult!"**

–_a child anymore..._

**"****And I don't see you acting as one. I don't see you do anything in this house. I'm always working twelve hours each day and when I come back from home, I'm still working, being the policeman around this house!"**

_Arguments with her are pointless. It actually infuriates her more, my lack of reactions and "abnormal" attitude._

_What does she expect me to do? Cry in front of her like a child who has a booboo? I've done that before, back then... And she taunted me by shoving my weakness in my face._

_Does she expect me to hit her, abuse her physically for abusing me psychologically?_

_The feeling was there, on and off, whenever she turned and stabbed me repeatedly with that sharp tongue of hers._

_What does she expect me to do?_

_Run away?_

_Why am I still here? I don't have to be here. I don't want to put up with this drama. Caught in the middle of this cycle of hate and loathing between my mother and grandmother– What side should I take? They're both family._

"_Are you alright?"_

_Speaking of family, how on earth can the universe explain this anomaly? Yuna, my marriage-bound sister, a saint compared to my hate-prone blood relatives._

"_As you can see, I'm still in one piece," I say, sarcasm dripping from my dry tone, resuming my sweeping, picking up vigorous pace._ _This can't be considered cleaning, aimless dust and rocks and leaves flying, the mess redirected elsewhere._

"_You know what I mean." _

"_You have to tell me, then, because apparently I don't know anything." My snappy response startles her, and I regret using Yuna as a scapegoat. She has done nothing wrong; it's not her fault she caught me at a grumpy mood, scowling subconsciously when another memory pops up, unbidden and obstinate to be heard._

**"****You're a narrow-minded person, just like your mother. Only seeing what you want to see!"**

_The one time I bother to talk back and she raises her voice at me._

**"****Don't speak to me in that tone!"**

_What a hypocrite. You have always told me that you shouldn't be afraid of telling the truth, to speak your mind, that you can't always be nice, but you immediately get on my case the very moment I do that._

**"You should always accept the truth. No matter how much it hurts. The truth always hurt."**

_Yeah, so do the words you assume are true. If you continue to repeat them, I may start believing them, because that is all I hear from you. Callous words that butcher my self-esteem._

"_Have you noticed how self-destructive you are?" The first thing I see when I stop looking through my mind's eye, her angelic smile the beacon that cuts through the fog of depression, Yuna's compassionate smile. "The stress lines on your forehead show your battle scars with yourself. Here. Let me do this." Yuna wraps her fingers around the handle, overlapping mine, tugging for possession of the broom, yet I refuse to relinquish it._

"_Grandmother told me to do it." Bitterness stings my tongue, and I pry her hands off, irritation spiking when she does not let go. "It's my responsibility."_

"_You should stop listening to what others say, Baralai. Start doing things for yourself. It'll make you happier."_

_A simple, selfish ideal, one I have difficulty to accept and reason to believe Tidus influenced her to think. "Then, you want to clean the sidewalk for yourself?"_

"_Silly." She laughs after her initial surprised reaction, a silent confusion. The pure sound startles me out of my mental grumbling. "I'm doing this for you. Siblings look after each other, you know?" My heart leaps into my throat, indescribably euphoric, no words bothering to deny and protest and disclaim her blessed honesty. Perceiving my shocked compliance, she pulls the broom out of my grasp, turning her back on me as if to finalize her victory. "You can go back inside and get a head start on your homework, if you like."_

_She has to be terribly naive to consider I'll leave her outside alone where anything can happen, especially how horrible and scary the world is becoming nowadays._

"_No. What if some random stranger kidnaps you? I don't want you to go missing. Not on my watch."_

_"Okay." _

_My overprotectiveness seems to please her more, proof of her wide, almost toothy smile. Unused to her liberal actions and gestures, I smile crookedly, wondering if her new friend 'Tidus' had anything to do with this slow change. I feel a little jealous, but grateful someone has such a positive influence to someone who'd normally be more resigned to life and suffering._

_Like me._

"Stop hogging the popcorn!"

_Huh? Voices. Where are they coming from?_

"It's mine!"

"Give it!"

"Nuh-uh! Get your own."

_Gippal... and Rikku?_ _What are they doing here? Where are they?_

Assaulted by an exploding balloon of popcorn, Baralai jerked awake, startling the girl resting on the numb left half of his body. Droplets of greasy popcorn rained all over his head, shoulders, and legs, scattering throughout the couch and floor.

"See? Now look what you've done. Cid's gonna be pissed."

"Me? _Me_? You mean us!"

"Chillax. Get B'man to clean it up. You know he wouldn't mind playing housewife."

The credits were rolling, signaling the end of the movie. Bright artificial light outshone the late sunlight in his dream, burning his groggy eyes. _Must have fallen asleep..._

Baralai grunted, sitting straighter, sighing deep, raking his stiff fingers through his flat hair, ruffling the long layers.

"Tsk. You two are such klutz." Paine engaged in rare form, picking up the mess piece by piece, tossing them back in the bowl. Nooj stood from the other end of the couch, slowly so as to not aggravate his still-healing broken leg, grumbling about "where's the beer in this place" and exited the living room, looking to pilfer some Budweiser from the secret stash in the garage. Paine followed soon after to dispose of the germ-infested popcorn and catch a private moment or two with her college boyfriend.

Tidus remained nowhere in sight, probably still fulfilling his excuse in avoiding the movie until it finished. Gippal and Rikku revived their bickering in another topic of disagreement, debating on what movie they should watch next, slapping each other with DVD boxes and random titles. Alas, Cid, the esteemed adult, somehow disappeared from the vicinity, neglecting his duties to "put electrical leashes on these hormonal monkeys".

Baralai sighed despite himself. _It's up to me to mediate these two again... Thank God Aniki and his friends aren't here to add fuel to the fire. They're busy hosting a bachelor party._

"...are you feeling alright?" The mumbled reply originated from the girl attached to his side, and he chuckled, patting her head.

"Stop worrying about me. It's nothing you don't already know." Yuna leaned into his touch, airy giggles muffled by his shirt, lifting her head from his shoulder to grin at him.

"You fell asleep."

"Hm."

Unbidden, a smile slipped on his face; Baralai couldn't stay upset for too long about anything. Before he could protest, Yuna dropped to lay on his lap, readjusting the blanket, ignoring his pointed stare. Resigning to her endearing clingy attitude, Baralai gently lifted her head to slide a pillow underneath, lowering her smiling face back down into the cushiony warmth.

"Feeling tired?"

"Not even close. Feeling lazy." _Figures. She's nocturnal_. Baralai inwardly laughed.

Reality held sway where dreams succumb to nightmares. His world had yet to end. _As long as Yuna is around... the sky will never fall._

The night's still young, time ticking ever closer to eve, Baralai's worries spirited away by the cacophonous echoes of warm noise and hearty laughter.


	3. Competition

Uh... I impress myself sometimes... ROFL. At the same time, I wonder why I plead insanity when nobody will fly in and cure me of my deranged, ingenious imagination... XD Razer and Sorrow, I have a serious feeling you may just love this chapter.

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Of Teenagers and Hormones

_Chap. 3 ~ Competition_

Tidus underestimated the power of anxiety, how anxiety alone could empty the lunch from his stomach in five seconds flat, or how colorful his puke could be, and the power of its hot, acrid stench. After flushing the toilet, Tidus exited the bathroom, nearly slamming into two blondes racing passed him to the backyard. Rikku's long, complex net of braids whipped him in the face as Gippal punched his shoulder, dreamers challenging the speed of sound.

"Yo, scaredy cat! You missed it. Black X-mas is over."

"Yeah, yeah... This is supposed to be a Christmas party, not Friday the 13th..."

Snorting once, then rubbing his nose, Tidus trudged to the living room, only to find it absent of noise and obnoxious partiers._ Where's everybody? _He would've missed two people alone and out of plain sight if he hadn't of heard a giggle.

"...what is it?" _Yuna!_ Tidus's ears instantly perked like a dog eager to see his loving, bodacious master.

"Hm? Nothing." A male voice. _Who's with Yuna? _"Am I not allowed to look at you?" Tidus inched away from the doorway, stealthy and inconspicuous in his approach until he could see them and rolled his eyes. _Of course. Who else, but brother dearest._

"No, but... as long as I am allowed to look at you. I don't mind."

Tidus found the siblings isolated at the couch, lights on and bold in their exposure, how enviously affectionate they were, Yuna cuddling on his lap underneath the cozy comforter and Baralai slouched to the point his tall height could not be obviously seen. Speechless in his ministrations, he touched her head, stroking her forehead, his fingers moving to twist the hair tips. The small smile and soft, drooping eyes, by Tidus's definition a hopeless boy in love, stirred jealous flames to lick at his heart. Especially when Yuna curled her arm around his nape, tugging him down into a crooked embrace, mussing his hair and pecking his cheek, affection rewarded with a caress to her temple and a polite kiss on the corner of her mouth. From Tidus's angle, they might as well have kissed _on the lips_.

_Ew! What the heck, man? You're brother and sister. Maybe not blood-related, but still!_

Regardless of platonic or romantic feelings, simple affection (without any tongue) siblings could get away with. Not strictly uncommon, and definitely allowed. This meant Tidus had a rival, a man in Yuna's life she seemed much more partial to, since she's known him for years. He remembered last year on Valentine's Day when Yuna gave her brother a Hershey Kiss and Baralai gave his sister one in exchange, and although not fond of PDA, _they kissed each other in front of everybody__–_ loving eyes, warm hugs, reciprocated confessions and all! _There's no one in school who doesn't know about the "monogamous siblings"._

Tidus tried to split the two apart, mislead Baralai into the most diabolical of pranks to expose his true colors in front of naïve, innocent Yuna, yet with zero success. Tricked him into going inside the girls' lockerroom (he had forgotten what cleverly disguised excuse he used to convince the skeptical senior), and be publically humiliated by a horde of undressed, half-naked, murderous girls. Whatever happened in there, though, Baralai had been spared the embarrassment, because no women were traumatized and fed the latest gossip with a vengeance. Baralai and Yuna, however... whenever in proximity of each other, they couldn't hold eye contact for a week, but they'd blush and laugh as if indulging in their own private little joke.

One time during a friendly outing, Tidus shoved a waffle cone of candy-coated, caramel-slimy ice cream in Baralai's face just to piss him off, provoke him to throw the first punch and start a fight_–_ _a fight I'm positive I could've won__–_ but the opposite happened. Yuna chastised Tidus's mischief and took her brother's side, even though Baralai kept apologizing like the mishap happened to be his fault, and even received Yuna's mothering, rubbing his face clean of gooey sugar and petting the guy's smug ego while Tidus seethed in blame and failure.

Tidus could never get between the two; the siblings were too candid in sharing their doubts and discomforts for outsiders to cultivate any vestige of misunderstanding. Baralai and Yuna, especially, were not prone to drama; they avoid it or do everything they must to resolve it. When an admirer slapped Yuna out of jealousy, spouting things like, "You have no right monopolizing your brother, you aren't the only woman in his life," and Baralai found out about it, he excommunicated the girl from his life, refused her touch, her text messages, her calls, her existence.

No doubt Yuna had been hurt by this ordeal, so Tidus went out of his way to try and find her, console her out of her misery, but had nearly walked in on the siblings inside an empty hallway, a grave and remorseful brother pacifying his sister's angry tears, apparently because he refused her permission to give that girl a piece of her mind like Uncle Cid taught her to. It took words such as "she isn't worth your time" and "you know better than to believe that she said was true" and, most infuriating, "I am yours as much as you are mine. We have each other, why do we need anybody else?" to stave off her rage.

Ever since then, Tidus never associated Baralai to be the nice guy, impartial to all, or Yuna the wishy-washy, selfless girl ever again. Both siblings proved to be absolutely selfish, clingy, and literally unconditional to each other's love. _But that doesn't mean I'll give up._

"Hey! Baralai, I'm hungry. Where's the food?"

The boy in question shifted around to stare at him, confused and disgruntled by Tidus's loud presence. _I bet he forgot I existed, trapped in his stupid little world with Yuna._

"Ah. Sorry. How thoughtless of me." Once persuading a languid and upset Yuna he needed to stand and stretch his legs, he begrudgingly pried his sister off and trudged beside the livid teen, a ghost of a smile mocking Tidus while he guided him to the kitchen. "I'm surprised you couldn't find any, unless you didn't bother to look. Common sense demands food is always inside a refrigerator."

"Tch. Smart-ass..."

"Be nice to your host. I'm the one providing you food you can't cook by yourself."

"You want to bet?"

"No. I don't want the kitchen to burn down again."

When they were about to step through the doorway together_–_

"Aha!"

_–_Rikku appeared out of nowhere, grinning impishly, pointing to the ceiling, or the top of the doorway, and the mistletoe hanging there. "You know what that means?" She waggled her eyebrows, as realization dawned on them and Tidus deadpanned, cursing himself for getting caught, and with Baralai of all people.

"Nuh-uh! Baralai? Kiss? No way!" Baralai stared, calm, disinterested in the affair all together, but inwardly insulted at Tidus's repulsion. _We're both men, I know, but really?_

"I understand." A smile of playful indifference. "I know you don't have the guts to kiss me." Tidus deadpanned, neck cracking when he jerked around to glare at him. _Oh no, he didn't! I'll show him... I'm not afraid of anything! _

Snatching him by the collar, Tidus snagged him into a rough liplock and played tongue-tousle, daring Baralai to resist and step down in defeat. The older boy successfully stifled his sheer discomfort and leaned into the kiss, cupping his face for a better angle, humoring Tidus for the sake of defending his dignity. _If I am to willingly indulge in something utterly dreadful, might as well make the most of it. _Initially pleased of his submission, the blonde grunted in surprise when Baralai added aggression, seemingly challenging him to retaliate. With his pride provoked, Tidus pushed him against the wall, prolonging their make-out session to prove he wouldn't stop first, smiling when he felt Baralai's mouth twist into an impatient scowl. Foolhardy persistence and stubborn audacity clashed in contrast to their bodies shifting into more "compromising" positions, since this obviously wouldn't end soon.

Tidus hissed when his partner "gently" grabbed a fistful of his hair, tugging to apply pressure, and Baralai groaned in agitation when the blonde "nibbled" his bottom lip in response. Not to be outdone, he "stroked" the soft spikes using his nails with one hand, "brushing" his back in slow circles with the other, and winced inwardly when fingers pinched into his sides, speaking through body language to 'quit playing rough' and 'give up'. Baralai reciprocated the gesture by "hugging" his shoulders and "nipping" his lips in speechless retort; 'you first'.

The only time a truce crossed their minds when it involved lack of air.

"Mm... Ha! How'd you like that?"

Baralai grinned, eye twitching and inwardly uncomfortable, shoving Tidus off and wiping his swollen lips, the kiss too forceful for his liking, yet surprised to learn of the interesting twists Tidus's tongue could perform. "Passionate. You impress me."

"Hmph. You got that right." He puffed out his chest, proud, blood freezing and heart stopping in shock and unadulterated fear. _Oh, shit. My mouth… It's been infected! Gotta wash it off before he makes me gay!_ For the second time today, Tidus fled to the bathroom, eager to scrub his tongue off until he couldn't taste his own saliva.

Slamming against the locked door, Tidus groaned in dismay and banged his fists for whoever occupied it to hurry up. "Whoever's in the bathroom, open up!"

Running water and bloody noses muffled the feminine voices inside.

"It's p-preoccupied…"

"YES! PREOCCUPIED! WAIT YOUR TURN!"

Meanwhile...

Gippal, Nooj, and Paine, who walked in the middle of this bizarre affair (suddenly wishing they stayed outside to listen to Cid ranting about racists while defiling the air with cigar smoke), didn't budge an inch when Tidus zipped pass them to seek sanctuary, each expressing their own hilarious face of disbelief. Gippal, jaw slack, officially blind in both eyes, pure mortification. Paine, eyes unblinking, revisiting memory lane over and over, infantile fascination. Nooj, face grimacing, brain rejecting the most gruesome image, stubborn escapism. When Baralai's eyes landed on his college friend_–_

"Do it, I'll kill you."

_–_he averted his gaze, avoiding Paine for good measure, seeking another potential victim. Rikku and Yuna fled from the scene, however...

"Would you like to kiss me, too?" Baralai's smile widened in evil mischief, and Gippal gulped, face blanching. "I have to say, you staring at me is very flattering."

"Nah... I'm good, B-B'man." He dismissed Baralai's offer, avoiding eye contact. It's because Gippal avoided looking at him, he didn't have a head start in escaping. The older boy ambushed the blonde in a hug, who thrashed and fought to be free, blushing when he nuzzled his face, frightened of the proximity of their lips. He _knew _where those lips have been.

"Oh, you don't have to. I'll come to you instead, _best friend_."

"S-Stay back, you sexy beast! STAY BACK!"


	4. Heartbreak

You don't want to hear me apologize for not updating. You just want to read the next heap of hilarity and teenage angst. And so here it is. :3

I am also toying with the idea of a PG-rated Yuna-harem... :P Or I might just end it soon as planned, with Yunalai. Who knows?

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**Of Teenagers and Hormones**

_Chap. 4 ~ Heartbreak_

_The most restless of nights; how can I sleep when the day has been so grueling? Waking up in the early morning when the day before felt tedious, rushing to arrive at school on time because I overslept, giving half of my attention, not even half, listening to the teacher's voice droning on and on and on, neglecting work, thinking about what I'd done wrong, what should I do to fix it, or maybe... I'm not good enough. I just wasn't good enough for him..._

_Reaching home after seven hours of wasted activity, empty progress, and going on the computer and browsing on the internet when I'd rather take a nap and rest. Refusing the choice of responsibility, falling into sick temptation, being lazy and dull and unmotivated to do anything. Before I realize it, night falls and I worry about having little time to practice a dance routine or finish my homework that I had planned ahead to finish. When the clock strikes past midnight, sleep is already overdue. Arguing with a guardian who tries in vain to usher me to sleep, but I still stay up. Now they have fallen asleep, my uncle, my brother, and cousin and grandmother, too and I'm the only one awake. How can I rest when I don't get sufficient hours of sleep?_

_So many doubts and thoughts working against my heart, which drowns from a lifelong depression of domestic fights and mental abuse; the darkness tempts me, lulling me into unconsciousness, but I can't do it. Everyone is asleep, people, animals, bugs, the world, and I am all alone. To myself, and my constant thoughts in my lovesick mind._

_I soon slip under the covers, burrowing in the warm, thick, cozy blanket, queen-sized bed too big and soft to the point of soreness. The heater floods my body with substantial heat, not enough, definitely not enough for my cold-blooded body. Lying awake and blinking in bed, I continue to toss and turn minutes after minutes of fruitless movement. I can't fall asleep, not when there's noise, not when there's a TV in the other room close to me and the ongoing loud noise beats through the thin walls. I'm too languid to turn it off myself._

_Imagining the closed room, illusory silence, puts some ease to my daydream-laden mind. Sometimes fixing a single image, scene, or thought into my head, I let the picture flow, move, and live as my consciousness becomes distracted and detached to the physical realm. I eventually enter an episode of unconsciousness. Not rest, not sleep, simply a pause from feeling awake. Zoning in and out of consciousness, dozing, rapid blinks of mismatched-colored eyes, disoriented and half-lidded, I snap out of it when kind pressure startles me into clarity. Someone must be leaning on me. I didn't hear them walk in my room._

_A dull pain in my head floods all senses, yet I can hear breathing, the mattress sinking when an arm superimposes mine. "Yuna..." Loose embrace, a soft, strong grip holding my curled fingers."Wake up. It's five o'clock in the afternoon. I know it's the weekend, but still..." _

_The blanket rustles as I sit up, and it falls crumpled on my lap. "You will feel better after taking a bath." Instead of leaving me to fend for myself, the same caring hand, two in fact, grabs mine, pulling me to climb out of bed._

_Distrust in my own devices? No. More like over-excessive in his concern. A yawn heavy with emotional baggage, a sigh of happy resignation, I lean on him, finding no strength to stand straight on my own._

_I'm growing tired of being independent, growing tired of relying on myself– I want someone to want _me_. Why would my boyfriend date me if he didn't want me?_

**"I only said yes because I didn't want to hurt your feelings."**

_I would've been able to move on, get over it, if we didn't have anything to lose. Instead, you made me believe we actually had something. I'm still not sure if it was ever real in the first place..._

_"Talking about him again?" He startles me, his voice nonchalant as he glances away from scrubbing my soapy arm to regard me. Unsmiling, but insightful. Again, he makes it his responsibility to look after me, this time in the form of a nice, hot bath._

_"Ah, sorry... I'm talking out loud again..."_

_"I'm relieved. It's a miracle for you to be talking at all." Aware of my self-conscious, inquisitive look, Baralai puts forth effort to smile. Half-hearted reassurance. He doesn't care about my dilemma, a cliche common in the majority of women these days. He cares about the precarious state of my mind, whether or not I'll survive from this chronic depression._

_"He doesn't love me..." I choke in my own sobs, reaching across the tub to hold him, clinging onto to the last person who cares._

_"Of course, he does. He cares about you a lot." His whispery solace does not reach through my deaf tears. "He's just... not _in love _with you. Being his friend is not enough?"_

_"But I love him so much..."_

_Mental shutdown. No hope. No vigor. My best friends can't even help me this time. The nights, including this one, are beginning to feel grave, restless until the moment I will cave in._

_"I love you." My brother's confession, a platonic retaliation, disinfects my emotional wounds and it stings, causing fresh tears to stream free. "Please. Be happy. Be happy for me." He squeezes me, suddenly so solid he anchors me, and I croon as he strokes my hair, touched by his melancholy timbre. "Do I not matter to you anymore?"_

_"How can you say that? You know you do."_

_"I say that, because you don't see what you are doing to yourself. Stop thinking too much. Stop beating yourself up inside. Things happen. You'll have to deal with it as best as you can._

_"Time waits for no one."_

* * *

Poking her head inside the doorway, Yuna found him standing in front of the stove, boiling hotdogs for everybody, arms crossed and supervising the food with absentminded caution. How innocent he seemed in that casual pose, how violated his mouth looked, a precious place Yuna had the privilege to touch, to kiss, to taste– and another desecrated what she wished belongs to her, should belong to her only, shouldn't be hers to start with.

"Where were you?" Baralai asked, smiling, as Yuna tiptoed into the kitchen, cheeks crimson as a maiden's shame once she glanced at his lips. The soft, split skin where Tidus had "nibbled" him. "You disappeared before I noticed."

"W-why did you... k-kiss him? You never..." _Kissed anyone except for me_, she didn't say.

"For your visual pleasure. Don't think I don't know about your fetish. Pretty boys kissing..." Yuna deadpanned, ten shades of red highlighting the tips of her flushed ears, gulping thick. "I'm sure you've had a daydream or two of us doing just that."

"T-That's... That's not true!" Yuna willed her eyes to look, feeling a little envious, touching his bottom lip with her thumb. "It looks like it hurt..." A little embarrassed, Baralai glanced away for a moment, blushing.

"Kiss it to make it better?"

"And you believe I'm the cure?"

"Your holy touch would be most appreciated."

Yuna stumbled at the hastiness of his tight embrace, grasping his shoulders for balance, eyes drooping, unwinding under the kiss, blushing in happiness. Prolonged inhalation, involuntary shiver, one kiss longer than the rest, like their first.

His shaky exhale, a nervous breath, causes her to blush, reminding her of their illicit intimacy, euphoria flooding from their covert emotional affection.

"Stiff?" Yuna whispered, smiling, massaging his shoulders, and a disgruntled grumble became his response.

"What man wouldn't be after being mouth raped by another man?"

"You provoked him."

"His reaction was worth it."

"I'll never understand your perverse impulses to torture people."

"It's fun, and speaking of torture..." He chuckled, his tone husky. "You like it."

"Yeah, maybe I do." Yuna hummed, wrapping her arms around him once more, inviting herself closer, and pecking his cheek, hoping he'd take the bait.

For him to last this long without feeling "obligated" to resist her advances must mean she's close to convincing him to let down his guard. Why would he have it up constantly, Yuna had no clue, but she could see him slipping. It pleased her when he acted selfish, monopolizing whenever he preferred it; most of the time in the presence of boys, especially around Tidus.

Baralai sighed and tugged at her arms. "Don't get too comfortable." His evasive smile dismissed her intention and he twisted his body to face the stove. "I have to make sure the hotdogs aren't overcooked."

"...okay."

Good things happen to people who wait, Yuna heard, but there were times Yuna tired of waiting for him to break. The doubt would creep in mind, '_If he really wanted me, or loves me the way I do for him, he would've claimed me by now_,' and Yuna hated it. It's the adversary of her hope, bullying her constantly. Maybe it'd be easier to cope, be simpler to acquire companionship, if she submitted to another's whims.

Baralai tried not to think of it much, the brisk push when Yuna pulled away. "Go have fun with the others," he said, smiling, a smile meek and wilting, heart throbbing when he received no response. A reaction she'd make when upset and Baralai couldn't have felt more jilted.

Nostalgia lingered on his lips, the absence of touch, cool heat, and bittersweet affection.

It had been years since their parents second marriage, his mother and her father, growing up with a non-blood-related sibling for the past few years. He watched as Yuna matured in both mind and body, and soon the heart, too. Especially the body.

How dimples heightened the cuteness whenever she smiled, or how slender her bare legs were on a particular warm day and the skirt sashays to the beat of her swaying hips. Or how soft her hair felt when his hand moved to squeeze out the chunks of glue in her hair from Gippal's latest prank; or how melodic her voice sounds, her soft-mannered tone, her pissed-off tone, her brokenhearted tone, whenever she called his name for whatever reason.

Maybe it was his imagination, Yuna reciprocating his attraction, the way she'd always be in the same room with him, sometimes to engage in fun with him or do her own thing. Or eat everything he'd make, even when the starting point left much to be desired, or how she flanked his side whenever in the presence of friends and strangers. Always seeking his opinions on her outfits, always requesting him to watch movies together, take walks and adventurous detours in the park, or help tutor her in school studies.

And tutoring her had its moments, very private moments. Situated at the kotatsu, a gift from Yuna's father working abroad in Japan, at times a great napping place, at times a spot where tentative, flirtatious gestures were exchanged. Like how Yuna would sometimes scoot closer as he hovered behind her. Baralai would lean closer, casually of course, close enough for him to feel her body flush. He would breathe in her flowery scent and sigh in contentment, hair so silky against his cheek. Yuna would sometimes shiver, because she gets cold easy or maybe because his voice murmured so clear in her ear when explaining a math formula, a historical event, or a literary device.

She would suddenly become quiet and her writing hand would stop moving; spurred by subconscious urges, his fingers would clasp her wrist in the guise of grabbing her attention, proud of being able to make her pulse jump and her face flush. She would smile, apologetic, providing a vague excuse for her distracted state of mind. His touch would linger, long after she resumed scribbling notes or scrawling answers. To relax her in a particular complex problem, he would caress her wrist while waiting for her to phrase her question, stalling to make the initiative if it meant he could bask in their proximity longer.

When their study sessions would eventually end, Yuna would reward him with a smooch on the cheek, and Baralai would nuzzle his nose to her temple in speechless gratitude, and by habit they would exchange their customary words "thank you" and "you're welcome".

And what followed at the end of each study date stayed between them. _'Maybe I should stop deluding myself with this pseudo-forbidden line…'_

"I could sure go for a wiener! You gonna feed me or what?" Gippal stretched, walking into the kitchen for more soda, and hopefully, food. And to annoy his best friend.

Snapped out of memory lane, Baralai bumped his elbow against the counter, hissing when this violent jerk of motion caused the wooden spoon he held to splash water on his fingers.

"Dude, are you alright?" Gippal panicked, rushing forward to grab his arm, and blew wind on his red fingers to cool them down. His best friend's spontenienty failed to alleviate the situation, only made it awkward on the receiving end.

"What... are you doing? I need to get an ice pack." Baralai jerked his hand back, inspecting the damage. A small burn, but severe.

"What? Don't get weird on me!"

The blush flared slight, embarrassed and awkward, and Baralai hid it by fetching said desired item from the freezer, which housed none. "Of course there would be no ice packs when I need it." Baralai groaned, and turned tail to the bathroom, where the first aid kit included some anti-burn cream. "And I'm not getting weird! This just hurts..."

"Hey, there." Understanding dawned on him, along with a recent hilarious development. Gippal smirked, parading right after him. "Did I just hear hesitation in your tone, mister?"

"Ow, ow... hesitation? I'm in pain. Forgive me if I can't deny your accusations quicker. Not my top priority." Gently applying the cream, he laid a bandage over it, blowing on it himself to keep Gippal from taking up the task again. "And will you please stop touching me? I don't want to feel you back there." Gippal smiled like an imp, hugging him and groping for potential tickle spots.

Baralai could only wiggle while multi-tasking, eye twitching, and he elbowed him in the stomach before capping the container shut. "Unless you have forgotten, I am not ticklish. And do not dare seduce Yuna to prove me otherwise."

"Hey, hey. Who said anything about seducing your sister? Well, she's not actually your sister, so I can see why you might..." Gippal misunderstood Baralai's command for him not to seduce Yuna into tickling him, accidentally speaking a secret he didn't even know.

Shoulders stiffened. Deliberate pause, before Baralai shut the cabinet. "Excuse me?"

"Whoa! No need to unleash the death glare, man. I get it. Don't talk about Yuna like that. Geez." Gippal smirked, mischievous. Annoying Baralai never ceased to be fun. "I'll leave you to your gay fantasies." Gippal departed with a heartfelt slap to the back, and dashed out, laughing.

Pounding his head against the wall, Baralai took a deep breath. Too close. Gippal found out without finding out. But, it provided very useful information. Not everyone would frown upon it if he did choose to engage, officially, in a more intimate relationship.

Especially since unintentional acceptance came from Gippal himself, Yuna's first boyfriend.

"Hm. He may even be onto us…"


End file.
